Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
