im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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