There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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