i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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