Ambien. No doubt about it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
