Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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