I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
