operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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