I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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