I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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