Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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