What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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