do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
