So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
