Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
