I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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