Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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