this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
