Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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