you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
