I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
