end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
