I faked an abortion last night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
