I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
