the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
