i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
