Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
