I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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