I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just blew my weed a kiss
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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