I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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