i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
