So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
