This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
