remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
