you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
