His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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