i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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