As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your cock deserves a montage
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
