I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Randomize
