Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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