words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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