Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
