I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
