Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i think i just lost a toe
You left your phone here
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