I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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