She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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