So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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