Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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