Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
