Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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