Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
