Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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