I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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