I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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