So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
