The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
