Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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