All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
