I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
send nudes
from the living room?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
