I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
