Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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