actually, I'm a sock model
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
