That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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