What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my phone needs a breathalizer
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
