so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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