yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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