I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
